Your good friend, Jade, tells you that she’s having problems with her boyfriend, Hugo. She tells you about several incidents that make you wonder whether it could be dating violence. Jade tells you about her relationship and has a lot of questions about Hugo’s behaviour.
Do you think that Jade is experiencing violence in her relationship, and do you think you can identify the different kinds of violence?
Jade confides in you:
« When I’m with Hugo, I feel ignored, useless, and I have no self-confidence.»
Psychological
« My boyfriend tells me what to wear… He thinks that I dress too sexy.»
Psychological
« Hugo demands that I always be available for him… But the same doesn’t go for him.»
Psychological
« He always wants to know what I’m doing and wants me to answer his texts right away.»
Psychological
« Hugo gets jealous about everything. Yesterday it was because I talked to a guy in my class.»
Psychological and verbal
« My boyfriend has fits of rage. To avoid them, I don’t always tell when I go out or everything I do.»
Psychological
« Hugo might take revenge if I break up with him. I’m afraid of him and of how he’ll react, so I stay with him, but I don’t think I love him anymore.»
Psychological
Verbal and psychological
« My boyfriend often tries to make me drink, even when I tell him I don’t want to.»
Psychological
« Hugo puts me down or laughs at me in front of his buddies.»
Verbal and psychological
« He often wants me to pay for things and when we go out.»
Economic
« My boyfriend calls me a ‘bitch’ in front of my best friend and tells her all about our sex life, including intimate details.»
Verbal and sexual
« After we’ve had a fight, Hugo forces me to have sex with him, even if I say no.»
Sexual
« He’s grabbed me by the arms before but said he was just trying to calm me down.»
Physical
If you are experiencing dating violence like Jade, you might:
- Feel increasingly unhappy
- Lie to your parents and friends because of him
- Feel like no one believes you
- Feel like you’re being judged for staying with him
- Believe your boyfriend’s excuses and yet realize that he might do it again a short time later… This can trap the victim.
- Live in fear
- Feel belittled
- Feel increasingly isolated
- Have less self-confidence
- Experience mood swings
- Worry your friends
- Want to help him but feel powerless to do so because you no longer believe him
- Believe his justifications because his father was not around when he was a child
- Find all kinds of reasons and excuses to justify how he acts
- Be afraid you’re going to fail the school year because you’re having a hard time focusing