Defining domestic violence - La maison d'ariane

What is domestic violence?

Domestic violence occurs in romantic relationships, whether current or past, and regardless of their duration. It can occur during dating, in a marriage or civil union, between common-law partners or in any other intimate relationship between people of the same or opposite sex. This type of violence can occur at any age and in all spheres of society. Domestic violence is more than acts of physical, sexual, psychological, verbal, social, spiritual and/or economic abuse. In fact, when an intimate relationship between partners is marked by a dynamic of control by the perpetrator of violence over a woman and her children, this is what we call coercive control. It takes the form of different strategies that enable the dominator to keep control over their victims. These strategies fall into three broad categories:

Deprivation of rights and freedoms

Here, strategies of abuse are reflected in women’s daily lives as a loss of autonomy and a deprivation of the rights and resources necessary for women to be full-fledged citizens.

Daily micro-regulation and monitoring

Here, strategies of abuse are reflected in women’s daily lives as control over all aspects of their lives, mainly associated with stereotypes regarding female roles, such as their clothing, cooking, cleaning, relationships with others, child care and sexuality.

Manifestation of direct or indirect violence

This category includes the most common forms of violence, including physical, sexual, psychological, verbal, spiritual, social, and economic abuse.

Domestic violence is part of a dynamic of domination in which the perpetrator seeks to gain power over their partner. It is therefore much more than a communication problem or a “couple’s quarrel,” as it is often portrayed in society.

Here are the differences between the two concepts:

Couple's quarrel

I am able to express my point of view.

I am able to argue and put forward my ideas.

I’m not afraid of my partner.

I’m free in my words and actions.

The issue is the topic of discussion.

The person who starts the quarrel has nothing to hide. They can drop it more easily and apologize if they have gone too far.

Domestic violence

I'm afraid of the consequences if I express my point of view.

I’m often afraid of my partner’s reaction.

I feel that no matter how hard I try, my partner always explodes. I live in an atmosphere of tension every day.

I feel belittled, ashamed and have low self-esteem.

My partner always has a good excuse for their behavior: I provoked them, they’re tired, they’re stressed about their job, etc.

My partner tries to control me.

Cycle Of Violence

These episodes of violence form part of a cycle with four distinct phases. This cycle is repeated over time, occurring more frequently. This cycle enables the violent partner to maintain domination over the victim.

TENSION

Excessive anger, oppressive silence, intimidation, threatening looks

Effects on me: I feel like things might turn bad. I’m worried. I'm spending a lot of energy trying to alleviate the tension. I’m scared. I’m frozen. I feel like I’m walking on eggshells.

RECONCILIATION

Does anything to be forgiven, asks for help, talks about therapy or suicide…

Effects on me: I see he’s making an effort to change. I’ll give him another chance. I can help him. I’ve found the one that I love. I can change my attitude.

INCIDENT

Verbal, psychological, physical, sexual or economic

Effects on me: Anger and shame: I’m humiliated. I’m sad. I feel it’s not fair.

JUSTIFICATION

Finds excuses, explains why there was an outburst: the reasons are beyond his control

Effects on me: I will believe and understand his justification, if I could just help him change. I will change for him. I doubt my perceptions (is this really assault?). I feel responsible and my anger disappears

Different forms of violence

Physical

1. Spit in the face.

2. Throwing, breaking valuables, slamming a door.

3 .Hitting a pet with the aim of harming us.

4. Slap, pinch and shake.

5. Tighten the arm.

6. Biting, pushing and grabbing.

7. Kicking, hitting.

8. Sequester (enclose).

9. Threatening with a weapon.

10. To strangle.

1. Forcing the other into oral, anal or vaginal intercourse.

2. Being violent during sex.

3. Forcing the other to participate in sexual activities in a group, with another person, in front of the partner or under the eyes of children.

4. Forcing the other to suffer or perform unwanted sexual touching.

5. Making degrading sexual comments.

6. Forcing the other to appear in or watch pornographic images.

7. Forcing the other into prostitution.

8. Using sex to obtain proof of fidelity.

9. Deprive the other of affection.

Sexual

Psychological

1. Social isolation.

2. Devaluation of the other or of his perception of reality.

3. Using different forms of implicit or explicit threats: abducting or killing children, committing suicide, making false accusations, etc.

4. Using mental cruelty: sulking, indifference, silence, blackmail, etc.

1. Insult using degrading language.

2. Raise your voice, yell.

3. Blame and reproach the actions of a person.

4. Criticize and use sarcasm in order to humiliate the other.

5. Threatening directly or indirectly.

6. Give orders.

Verbal

Economic

1. Forbid working or studying.

2. Control the budget by entering all or part of your income.

3. Deprivation of identity cards, passports, etc.

4. Failing to fairly share the family budget and/or refusing to spend money on special occasions.

5. Control expenses for essential needs: clothing, food, expenses necessary for the well-being of children, etc.

1. Control your comings and goings.

2. Isolates you.

3. Is jealous and possessive.

4. Critique your friends and family.

5. Spy on your phone or email conversations.

Social

Spiritual

1. Forbid attending a place of worship.

2. Criticizing or ridiculing your religious beliefs.

3. Forced to adhere to religious practices that are not your own.

How domestic violence impacts women

Among women living with violence
Cognitive and psychological	Physical	Social and behavioral
High tolerance of violence Hypervigilance Post-traumatic stress disorder Depression Suicidal ideation Self-harm Comprehension challenges Memory loss Difficulty concentrating Ambivalence Low self-esteem Feelings of guilt, shame, empowerment, humiliation, anger Sleep disorders Anxiety disorders Panic attacks Eating disorders Other symptoms	Physical injury Partial or total disability Head trauma Chronic pain Anemia Headaches, stomach aches Ulcers Hypertension Gastrointestinal disorders Irritable bowel syndrome Loss of appetite Other symptoms	Difficulty asserting yourself Avoidance Decreased social and family support Poor social skills Social anxiety Substance abuse Stigmatization Isolation Job loss or absenteeism Moving or relocation Impoverishment Loss of credibility Issues with institutions (DPJ, social assistance, judicial, etc.) Other symptoms

Among children living with violence
Cognitive and psychological	Physical	Social and behavioral
Learning, language or motor problems Difficulty concentrating Inattention Lower academic performance helplessness and distrust Low self-esteem, withdrawal Depression Somatization: gastritis, bronchitis, asthma and eczema Stress and anxiety Conflicting loyalties High maturity Ambivalence Feelings of exaggerated fear, abandonment, shame, guilt Nightmares Hypervigilance Post-traumatic stress disorder	Enuresis Visual and auditory difficulties Speech difficulties Appetite problems Negligent dress, uncleanliness Anemia Allergies (weak immune system) Physical injuries (scratches, bites, bruises, fractures, burns, etc.) Anemia	Stuttering Hyperactivity, irritability, aggression Severe behavior disorder Running away Difficulty finding appropriate solutions to conflicts Regression of behaviors Fear of bringing friends home Seductive, manipulative, oppositional behavior Lack of respect for women Cruelty to animals Suicide attempts or suicidal ideation Others.